Written by Mickie Woods
There was definitely a time in my life when I thought I could never be celibate. I thought I was way too sexual of a person to ever pull it off, but I’m a fan of challenging myself, so of course I gave it a go. My dating life had gotten so messy and draining that I knew giving myself a break was worth a try.
Although the first few weeks were hell, over time I began to understand the hype. To my surprise, celibacy opened my eyes to an all new approach to dating that was just as fulfilling as having a robust sex life. Not only was I brought closer to myself, but I ultimately was able to establish more sexually fulfilling relationships with others as I discovered five surprisingly sexy benefits of giving up sex.
- Masturbation becomes amazing
I already had a bomb ass sexual relationship with myself pre-celibacy, but temporarily removing sex with others from my life only strengthened this relationship. I reserved and harnessed all of my sexual energy for myself and found so much power in it. Not to mention, the Self Pleasure Journal from I Am She Botanicals played a huge role. It helped me figure out what I like sexually and put it into words — helping me feel a lot more prepared when I decided to let others back into my life sexually.
- Men will try harder
Soon after opting for celibacy, I was shocked to discover that men actually greatly respected (and were turned on by) my decision. Personally, I chose to still date while being celibate; I just made sure to let men know that it was going to take a lot more than a compliment and a cute smile to get my socks off. In a way, setting my boundary seemed to serve as another obstacle that men gladly took the challenge of overcoming. The men in my life who only wanted sex from me slowly dissipated into the night, but the men who wanted more became more present and more attentive to my needs.
- You’ll have more focus and clarity
I noticed that, when I’m not out singling and mingling, I’m more productive, more creative, more focused on my work and my business, and therefore I make more money.
And even though I wasn’t having sex, I was still taking SheOrgasms supplements which never fail to give me more energy and clarity on the daily.
Whenever I feel I’m a bit too caught up in my relationships and need to recenter, I make a personal pledge to just abstain from sex for a little while. So for example, I might intentionally take 3 months off from my sex life just to regain focus. I like to think of my time with partners as a vacation from the beautiful life I’m building for myself.
- You’ll get to know yourself outside of your sexuality
For me personally, finding myself in my early twenties happened simultaneously with discovering and exploring my sexuality. One day I woke up and found that I was unable to define myself outside of my sexuality and outside of my relationships. So by expending less energy on sexual partners, I had a lot more time and energy for myself, therefore, I was able to begin a journey of learning why I am the way I am and redefining the kind of person I want to be in the world.
- Sex gets better
Lastly, when you do finally decide to get busy again, I swear it’s going to feel like you’re having sex for the first time. Hopefully, you’ll be more level-headed, more comfortable, and you’ll experience pleasure like never before. Whether you’re celibate for 1 month or 20 years, post-celibacy sex just hits different.
Remember: Celibacy doesn’t have to mean that you become a nun and close down business in your vagina forever. It could mean that you choose to not have sex Monday through Friday — only on the weekends. It could mean that you give yourself 3 months to clear your head and sexually reset. It could mean that you wait to have sex until you meet someone you feel is worthy of your sexual energy. Ultimately, it could mean whatever you want, and that’s the beauty of sexual liberation — having sex on your terms whenever and however often you choose.