What No One Tells You About Self Love

What No One Tells You About Self Love

"Matter to yourself just as much as finding a soulmate matters to you."

-Madame Kay J 


Self love and self care has been one of the most beautiful trends humanity has jumped on. However, it is such a fad we aren't shown how to express it properly. It's deeper than a salt bath, a mani pedi, quality time with self, and doing what makes you happy. Those are great things to do for yourself but it isn't the core of what loving yourself really is. Read through this list and check in with yourself to see if you have been showing yourself the same kind of love you are seeking to receive. If you are not loving yourself in a way you want to be loved, you will continue to encounter situations that don't replicate the love you seek. 

There is still a little girl inside of your big girl body that is searching to be seen, heard, loved, guided, and reassured. We get lost in the world by trying to find people, places and things externally to provide those feelings we deem desirable. It’s never enough and it never works because that isn’t what our soul is calling for. 

Your soul is waiting for you to realize that you are the one designed to give yourself the love, guidance, and respect you seek. Once you start satisfying yourself within your own presence you’ll realize that this is what you’ve been searching for all along. 

Look at yourself as if you were your own sweet, precious, innocent child. How would you talk to that child? You would be patient with her. You would tell her she’s beautiful every chance you got and you would really mean it. You would make sure she’s fed, bathed and smells good. You would hold her accountable for her mistakes and help her make decisions that benefit her Highest Self. You would make sure she was taking care of herself mentally, physically and emotionally. Right? Wouldn’t you do that, plus more for your sweet, precious child?


Hold yourself accountable and take your orders seriously, just as serious as you would take orders from your boss to keep your job. Take orders from yourself and keep your integrity.

Instead of using that voice in your head for critiques, self doubts, or belittling or hurtful comments, use that voice to be your Divine Great Grand Godmother, a figure that makes you feel seen, heard, guided, protected and loved. So wherever you are, whoever you’re with, whatever time it is, you’ll have the assurance you need to stand confident and strong in your high vibration.

Speak to yourself kindly, and with love. Give yourself praise when you do something great, or you overcome a toxic trait. When that voice tells you to get up and do the dishes, get up and do it. Don’t disobey your Great Grand Godmother’s guidance.

Respect yourself because you are your own Godmother. If you wouldn’t say it to your grandma then don’t say it to yourself. If you catch yourself speaking roughly to yourself, just apologize and give yourself some grace.

Romanticize yourself. Build a relationship with yourself and talk to you how you would talk to a loving friend or a romantic partner. Tell yourself every morning how beautiful you look, compliment yourself throughout the day when you walk past a mirror. Schedule reminders on your phone to compliment yourself if you have to.

Caress your body slowly when putting on your butters and oils and take the time to recognize your perfection and beauty. Just how you would stare at your loving partner, stare at yourself with those same eyes and appreciate having this body.

Do something nice for yourself even when your mind tries to convince you that you don’t need it or deserve it. Spend quality time with yourself, go to a coffee shop and read a book alone, go for a walk, go have a 5 star meal at a new restaurant, go window shopping trying on clothes. Have a blast doing something with yourself as your own company. 

Laugh at your own jokes, even when you’re by yourself. Be playful and free with yourself. 

Check in with yourself when you notice your mood is off. Ask yourself “ What’s wrong boo?” And answer yourself openly and honestly the way you expect your loving partner or friend to speak to you. 

Let loose and dance like it’s your profession and you’re practicing for a talent show. Really show out and cut up. Get low, get loose, get flexible. Have fun!


When you’re not feeling your greatest and your energy is low and your body is being forced to rest, be patient with yourself as if you were your own patient. Be delicate and loving as you would if your partner was ill and needed a little TLC. Check in with yourself and see what you need to help you feel more comfortable as you ride the wave back to high energy.

Be understanding with yourself when something ends up making you feel upset or guilty. You acted the way you were supposed to, so that you can analyze the situation later to learn how to better handle it next time with your new realizations. This is how you break the repetitive cycles that continuously pop up for you from when you didn’t have the clarity you have now.

When your emotions are pulled away from peace and joy, objectively analyze your actions to ensure they are derived from a place of love and if they are not, figure out what toxic trait you were subconsciously expressing.
Ex: If you get upset at your partner because they forgot to do something they said they would do.
Ask yourself why you are really mad. Is it because you had an expectation and it wasn’t met?
Is it because you feel like you were forgotten because you’re not memorable enough?
Is it because you didn’t send a reminder because they should just remember and it’s not your job to remind an adult?
Are you upset because you were basing your fun for the night on an external person?
Is it because you don’t care what they have going on in their physical and mental world because your time is what really matters?

Clean up your external environment (where you stay, sleep, eat, work) as if you had a hot date coming over for dinner. You are deserving of a clean environment, free from mess and clutter so that you can feel more at ease. Pick up after yourself.

Pay attention to when you’re choosing to eat based on boredom or inflated emotions. Eat foods that benefit and nourish your body. Eat mindfully not strategically. Don’t try to be 100% anything. You are a unique individual and are multiple things in one. Choosing to label yourself as a vegan, pescatarian, keto, etc is asking for too much of you. Do what you feel is right on a day to day basis because your internal weather is changing day by day. This way you won’t be so hard on yourself for eating something different than what you’ve been labeled.

Google the infradian rhythm of a woman's cycle and get familiar with your hormonal clock.

Feel safe with yourself. Do you trust that you can make the best decisions for yourself? Trust that your favorite choice is always the best decision. Go with your heart and intuition.

In your mind physically place yourself above the situation or foreseen problem that is making you seem incapable. That way you can look down on it and analyze your best move. When you are feeling overwhelmed or uncertain it is because you have placed yourself below the situation or problem so it appears too large of a problem and out of your control.

Be specific with your worries, instead of saying I’m dumb, say I have a difficult time learning this topic. Instead of saying I have bad health, say I’m above my desired weight right now. Choose your words wisely. Be kind to yourself.

When you feel you are being thrown into the unknown, tackle these situations by having confidence in your resources rather than fearing the outcome.

Check back into this list often to remind yourself how to show yourself love and grace. This will help your bedroom experiences be more powerful because you are learning to be more confident, soft, and relaxed. When you are confident and comfortable your body is opening all the orgasmic channels and you’ll be able to reach climax easier and more intensely.

Happy Cumming! And always make sure YOU cum first!


  • Posted by Tia Forney on

    This was right on time! Thank you Kay

  • Posted by Kay Edwards on

    This article is so on point; I found the part about treating yourself how you would treat your little girl, so beautiful and made the assignment so clear. I know like many, I have treated myself like the ogre and others like the princess when I was/am the Queen all along.
    Thank you

  • Posted by Alexandra Boone on

    I am the one designed to give the love I seek

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